


Torn Apart

by mydeardetective



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 03:46:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13732470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydeardetective/pseuds/mydeardetective
Summary: Despite her terrified, racing thoughts, somehow, she was focused on the details of his face. His hair was damp with sweat. The scar she had given him was almost healed, but would ever be a valley, a twisted reminder to torment her. She could see each of his long lashes curling gently. His lips were so red, though cracked from lack of care. She wanted to kiss him, like in those stories she heard as a child. He was the sleeping prince and she the knight come to save him. As she bent close, he stirred.“Rey?” His voice was barely a whisper, barely conscious.“Ben, don’t move. I have you.” she said in an earnest whisper. She held his precious face and leaned close to make out his faint words.





	Torn Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my very first Reylo fanfic. I posted a previous version on tumblr if it seems familiar.  
> I wrote LOTR fanfic in high school years ago (that will thankfully never see the light of day). I thought all that was behind me. But somehow, The Last Jedi, and in particular the relationship between Ben Solo and Rey has inspired me to pick up the keyboard again.  
> This fanfic is closely tied to events in The Last Jedi so spoilers ahead.  
> This first chapter is really a prologue and takes place during the film. It takes place in the throne room right after the saber exploded. It is what I like to imagine happened in the time we don't see. The next chapters will take place after the close of the movie. 
> 
> Please enjoy.  
> I greatly appreciate any comments, positive or constructive. Also, feel free to drop me a not on tumblr @mydeardetective. Dat me.

There was a metallic ringing in Rey’s ears. Her vision was blurry. The floor seemed to have and unnatural slant.  
  
_What just happened?_  
  
She thought, reaching for something, some memory to steady herself. It was as if she was back in her walker home reaching for her alarm in the dark so she would wake before dawn to get to the junk fields before the others. She found the memory and grasp it tightly.  
  
Luke’s old lightsaber. They had ripped it apart with their stubborn force grips. Each expecting it to fly into their hands. But instead it tore apart. It dawned on her that they must have the exact same strength in the force.  
  
_How was that possible? Why are we so balanced?_  
  
She struggled to rise. Her legs felt weak. She had been awake all of yesterday training, then she was up all night, first at the cave then with Ben in the hut, then fighting Luke, then packing and flying here. It must have been over 30 hours by now. Despite her exhaustion, she could feel her adrenaline rising yet again. She could feel continued explosions reverberating through the ship. The ship was unstable. She had to get out of there.  
  
Suddenly is seemed as if all time stopped. As her vision cleared, Rey’s breathe caught in her throat. Ben was lying, face down across the room. He was sprawled, his limbs motionless and unsettling.  
_Is he dead?_  
  
“Ben!” she screamed as she ran to him. She slid on her knees to him and lifted his dead weight over. His face was so peaceful in that moment. She quickly felt for his pulse. A strong but slow heartbeat could be felt by her trembling hand. Gasping she started to breathe again. She hadn’t realized she had been holding her breathe since yelled his name. Despite discovering his well-being, her hand did not move. Thoughts raced through her mind.  
How could he want to rule the galaxy with me? How could I save him?  
  
She thought of trying to drag his body somewhere to safety. There were some great explosions in the distance and looking back through the port behind her she was a great gash had been torn through the ship. It wasn’t safe to stay here. Despite her terrified, racing thoughts, somehow, she was focused on the details of his face. His hair was damp with sweat. The scar she had given him was almost healed, but would ever be a valley, a twisted reminder to torment her. She could see each of his long lashes curling gently. His lips were so red, though cracked from lack of care. She wanted to kiss him, like in those stories she heard as a child. He was the sleeping prince and she the knight come to save him. As she bent close, he stirred.  
  
“Rey?” His voice was barely a whisper, barely conscious.  
  
“Ben, don’t move. I have you.” she said in an earnest whisper. She held his precious face and leaned close to make out his faint words.  
  
“You…must…flee.” Every word was difficult for him to get out. “Snoke’s…escape…ship.” With effort he pointed to a panel behind the throne. She would never have thought of it, but of course there would be a way for Snoke to escape.  
  
“Ben. Please come with me. We don’t need the First Order. Please. We can be together. We can save my friends, together.”  
  
His eyes were already closed again. He was about to pass out again from the exertion of speaking.  
  
“Oh Ben!” Her voice broke. Her tears were falling on his face. She leaned closer and lightly kissed the cheek she has scarred. But he didn’t react. She tried to hold back a sob. There was no more time. She heard the elevator whir to life. Someone had called it and would be coming back up in a moment.  
  
She jumped to her feet and scooped up the pieces of the broken saber. She ran to find the panel behind the throne. It was hidden but she found the switch easily. Lights and engines whirred to life. She tossed the lightsaber in the ship without a care and turned back. As she ran back to Ben she saw his lightsaber where it had been knocked from his hands during the fight. She grabbed it without stopping and was back with Ben in a moment. She felt around his belt and found where to clip it. She needed her hands free to pull him. And they would likely need it wherever they were going. She didn’t have time to work that out yet.  
  
It was such a long way to drag his huge, strong body. Suddenly she realize she should be able to move him with the force. She tried to clear her mind, to be calm and focused. But as she reached out with the force she was drawn to Ben’s mind. It was like a black hole, of pain, regret, resolve and anger. She tried to focus on moving him but it was too difficult. Panicked she realized she didn’t have time to try any longer. Instead she grabbed his arms and started to pull. The elevator had stopped going down and was now starting it’s assent. They were almost out of time. She considered if she left him, he would be at least be alive. With Snoke dead, he could lead the First Order. That terrified her almost more than his death.  
  
She had dragged him almost to the throne itself. Just a few more steps. But the elevator stopped. The doors were about to open. She was out of time. They could not see her helping him. In despair, she dropped his arms.  
  
“I’m so sorry Ben.” She said with her voice breaking. She then turned and fled to the escape pod.  
  
“You there! Stop” rang out a sharp voice. Rey did not turn to see who had arrived. She jumped into the escape ship and pressed the eject button without even looking. She collapsed as the ship rocketed to life. She didn’t even enter a destination. Her sobs overtook her. There had been no blasters. Perhaps she could have taken whoever it was out and she could have still saved Ben. Regret, heartbreak and pain washed over her.  
  
But at the same time there was another feeling deep within her. His words came back to her. “You’re nothing. But not to me.” He could have said it a bit sweeter, but she knew what he meant. She was nothing, but he, of all people in the galaxy, cared for her.  
  
_Could he truly love me?_  
  
Fighting the guards alongside him had been exhilarating. She had never felt so alive, so in tune with another person. She could feel when he was in danger and move to defend him without even seeing his attacker. The thing she had been searching for as long as she could remember was finally filled. She had finally found him, the one who would come back for her. Ben would always come back. She believed this to the core of her being, although it seemed entirely impossible now.  
  
She felt anger at his stupid pride.  
  
_How dare he ask me to rule the galaxy!_  
  
That wasn’t what she ever wanted. Not ever. At the same time she felt angry at herself for rejecting him. She would be able to soften him. She knew it. But she knew she had done the right thing. It would have destroyed both of them for her to accept him while he was still so filled with darkness. He just needed more time.  
  
A beep from the console brought her back to the moment. Someone was hailing her. She flipped the speaker on. Roars from Chewbacca filled the ship.  
  
“Yes, Chewie! It’s me. I’m fine…Yes, let’s meet on the planet. I will head there too…Ok, send me coordinates when you land.” She said after being repeatedly interrupted by his roars.  
  
She took control of the ship. She aimed toward the planet and focused her mind on what was important. The resistance had nearly been destroyed. They needed her help.  
  
She struggled to push her thoughts of Ben aside. His look when he said, “please” returned to her. How desperately he wanted her to stay. His loneliness tortured her. She wished more than anything to be able to comfort him. But she knew it wouldn’t work. Not until he truly gave up the dark side.  
  
At that moment, one thing became perfectly clear to her. No matter how this story went, she would never kill Ben Solo. She let herself die a thousand deaths before she ever made that choice.

  


\--

Kylo woke with a start. Had he dreamed her words? “Please. We can be together.” Angrily he stumbled to his feet. No, it must have been a dream. Foolish wishful thinking. All their connections over the past week had been a fantasy. His father hadn’t been completely a fool when he used to say, “If it seems too good to be true, it is.” Otherwise she would still be here. She would have taken his hand. But no, she didn’t believe in him. Not really. She had abandoned him, like all the others. She was nothing to him. She could die with the rest she loved so much. He would kill her. Every member of the resistance, Skywalker, her, all of them.

Kylo grit his teeth. He knew he was lying to himself. But it felt better to lie and be angry than to admit to himself how hurt, how hopeless he felt. He could never have been good enough for her. He didn’t deserve her. How could she ever learn to love a monster like him? One thing he know deep down. However much he wished he could kill her, to be rid of his love for her, he knew deep down. He would never kill Rey.


End file.
